It’s all God | You Are Your Own Beloved

The Helmet Urchin

SoulFire — Tue, 07 Oct 2025 22:05:19 +0000

I had a rough day Saturday, October 4th. Another episode with my loud mentally imbalanced neighbor upstairs erupted. It’s been a challenge to live where I am with his energy. Not to get into all the details of it, the blow to my nervous system came when he stomped down the stairs, walked to my door and started pounding on it. I was the only one home with him at the time in the building. I sat in my bathroom, cowering down, mindful not to make a sound so he would not hear me and waited til his heavy panting breath stopped and went away. Shortly after I left to escape his aggressive imbalanced energy.

This man has bullied me over the last few months and unfortunately the property manage does nothing to protect me, instead he protects the man. I am done with this paradigm and reality of being around broken men that gaslight and project their unhealed traumas and imbalances on to me. It is sad to see a man, not being a man, but living in his lower chakras of sex and lower consciousness- almost caveman like mentality. This is rampant here on the Big Island, which makes sense given the history of the people and this island representing the root chakra.

So in my wobbly shaken state I went out to do errands but was feeling very shaken in my body and mind. I decided first thing to do is print out a spiritual workbook that I have been meaning to print. I went to Office Max but for some reason, now I know why, I couldn’t use the self serve because it kept telling me invalid email address. (which was wrong). Being “awake in the dream,” I know now that obstacles happen for a reason and it pointed me to wait on a very long line at the full service counter. (which of course my ego didn’t like)

While waiting on line I struck a conversation with the woman in front of me who was also waiting for some time. She told me she was printing out cards for the urchin jewelry she just made. Instantly, as the sea maiden, she got my attention. I asked her what it was specifically. Then I turned to my right and saw the Office Max computer with the picture of the print. It was a beautiful purple helmet urchin that I had always seen here in Hawaii but never really knew much about. I felt so much energy from the image in that moment.

I asked her what the spiritual meaning of that particular urchin was. She wasn’t sure, but she handed me the card. After I read it I knew this totem came to me specifically at this now moment in time to tell me I am protected, and I am safe.

Here is the meaning:

The helmet urchin carries several spiritual and practical meanings for Native Hawaiians:

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Resilience and grounding: The helmet urchin lives in the turbulent intertidal zone, where it is constantly pounded by waves. Its unique, shingle-like armor allows it to remain securely attached to the rocks. This serves as a powerful metaphor for staying grounded and holding firm in the face of life’s challenges.
Resourcefulness and observation: An old Hawaiian proverb, “Pala ka hala, momona ka hāʻukeʻuke” (“When the hala ripens, the hāʻukeʻuke is fat”), was a seasonal indicator for fishermen. The synchrony between the ripening hala fruit and the plumpness of the urchin’s roe taught Hawaiians to observe the cycles of nature to determine the best time to gather resources.
Protection and adaptability: Unlike other spiky urchins, the helmet urchin’s flattened spines create a smooth, armored dome, an adaptation for its high-impact environment. This illustrates the principle of adapting one’s protective mechanisms to suit the circumstances, learning when a hard shell is needed and when other defenses are appropriate.
Wisdom from nature: In ancient Hawaiʻi, sea urchin parts, including the teeth of the hāʻukeʻuke, were used for medicine by the kupuna (elders). This highlights the traditional wisdom and deep knowledge of the natural world, which was viewed as a source of healing and sustenance.
Divine connection: More generally, sea urchins (wana, ʻina, hāwae, hāʻukeʻuke) were an important food source and are considered among the forms of ʻaumakua (family or personal gods) in certain areas, connecting them to ancestral spirits.

That evening I went to the shore to meditate with sunset. I still was shaken from the event from the day. I talked to God, Pele and the ocean. Then I noticed in front of me hundreds of helmet urchins. I started crying in joy and amazement because they were right there the whole time. I thanked them for their presence and energy and knew that by the sea is where I am meant to live next. It is my ultimate heart dream to live on the other side of Ali’i Drive. The ocean is my home. It is where I feel my happiest-and the most at peace and safe. The ocean is my heart and I need to live and have my new sanctuary next to it. I know this to be true.

So now I am consciously calling in my highest timeline. I need a miracle but what say you is a miracle? For you are a miracle. I am a miracle, and miracles are our birthright. Aho.

I intended to end this blog here but I had to share what happened when I stopped working and went to the ocean for a swim- the dolphins!!! I had them for nearly an hour! They were jumping and playing and circling around me. They came in so close to shore then swam out and back. It was a whole show! Karma was with me too in a big way in the ocean. I laughed and cried, diving underwater to receive and absorb their sounds and communication. It was so healing. I know the message was to celebrate because I just transmuted another layer of old energy that is still alive here on the planet. I found another layer of resiliency and deep faith and knowing, that I am my own home and no one can harm me. I am always protected and connected.

After the dolphin adventure, I walked back to the shoreline where I did my meditation with the helmet urchins. I gave thanks, sang a song and then the dolphins jumped again and again. I laughed out loud, gave more thanks and then the Honu came to me- a big one, she popped her head up and said “Hi!” What an incredible morning. Oh and I forgot to mention the huge dragon fly that flew by me on the beach and went into the ocean…first time seeing a dragon fly at Magics Beach.

What a magical day of connection. I didn’t even share the humans I “bumped” into in the ocean and the messages they had for me. This blog would have been too long. I received so much confirmation that it is my time to move on. My soul needs to feel safe where I live and work. Now for the miracle. To be continued…

The wound is where the light enters. ~Rumi

SoulFire — Wed, 01 Oct 2025 21:51:30 +0000

I walked through the valley of darkness once again. I faced my demons head on. I called in Archangel Michael and the blessed Mother Mary. They walked by my side. I saw the dark, I shivered. I was scared, but I faced it head on. I wept freely and deeply, tears salted with pain of 30 years past.

After weeping I breathed a sigh of relief. It was gone, another layer, I released the pain and I was free once again. I am Victor. I am Warrior.

When I sat and meditated on the situation with my daughter kicking me out of her house, my higher self was whispering to me, “You created this for your evolution.” I knew deep down this to be true, even though a part of my human psyche was trying to whisper another story to keep me in victimhood. I will rise up – out of this.

This was for me. Deep within and higher up, I knew I set this up to find the wholeness within my self once again. Even though in the highest Reality we are already whole and can never be anything less. Here on earth in the human form, we are rectifying and healing the wounding, so we can be Victor. It was another experience that could only lead me in one direction- back into myself, back into my wholeness, back into “I am my Home.” Home is within me. It was the final nail in the coffin, if you may. Why? If my only family that never in a million years would I expect to kick me out of her home and shun me away, could do this to me-then that had to be a set up! Like the song…”One more time…” Yes it came up again, but not for me to play the victim and stay in the suffering of, “look what my daughter did to me,” even though I had the “right” to say it. She was, after all, acting very disrespectful to me. But I knew on a deeper level that this was happening for a reason and after I sat with it for a while, I knew “I set it up,” so I can once again heal another layer of the core wound of abandonment.

In essence we are all sovereign souls, playing the earth forgetting game so we can remember once again who we are and that home is within- wholeness is our birthright. It is who we are. Period. End of story. All roads of suffering and pain lead us home, back to the wholeness within if you can just lay down your armor, your defenses, and sit with the pain, the sorrow, the heartbreak and ask it why, for what purpose do you serve? Because all the pain and suffering serve the one holy purpose of finding God within, returning back to the God and the joy and wholeness that you already are, you just forgot. The wound is where the light enters.

Something miraculous came out of this story. 2025 is the 30th anniversary of my daughter’s father, Eugene, passing away. For those of you who read Fearless Freedom Becoming SoulFire, you know what a tragedy and trauma it was to us both. He took his life and the months leading up to that point was a nightmare I don’t wish on my worst enemy.

One night on my way out to dinner I got a flat tire driving down the driveway. I ended up staying home and calling AAA the next day. This young man came and when he stepped out of his van, he took my breath away. He looked so much like Eugene, my daughter’s father, when the last time I saw him at 25 years old. And it turned out his name was Eugene! I couldn’t believe it. He changed my tire and text me that night to make sure I was ok, which I thought was odd since no one from AAA ever did that.

This was during the time my daughter was not talking to me, so I didn’t get to share the story with her. However, a couple of weeks later we reconciled with a heartfelt talk and ceremony at the ocean to celebrate his “death day” and turn it into a day of celebration- March 14th. As we were talking I got to share a lot about her father-things she never knew- like how much he loved food- how every time he sat down to eat he would have a big grin on his face and do a little food dance. My daughter is a foodie and a chef now so she appreciated this knowing. It was really nice to be able to give her that gift. Then I shared the story about AAA and my tire and the young man named Eugene. She told me she locked her keys in her car around the same time and called AAA too. It turned out the same young man came to help her too. She didn’t know his name was Eugene! I couldn’t believe it! I know with 100% certainty that it was her father Eugene, coming to us both. He set this up so we could heal our relationship. I am crying just writing this piece now, overwhelmed with emotion. I think it’s a combination of deep grief and heartbreak coming up, along with a deep sense of interconnection and love.

It reminds me that the ones we love never leave us really, they are just with us in a different form or way. It also reminds me to be strong in my faith and knowing when I get weary and weak, that love is the one thing that lasts in this impermanent world of form. Love is everything. Our loved ones never leave us. My wish is that all souls who are suffering with heartache, break and despair over the loss of a loved one, feel the comfort of the Blessed Mother around them and know they are never alone.