My Father’s Passing. Love Never Dies.

It was Saturday, September 5th, and I was on my way to fire island to work for the day. I opened my email in the morning and deleted the usual gazillion emails from my Dad, most of them silly forwards. My Dad had a stroke around 14 years ago and never fully recovered; the computer and technology were his best friend. There was one however that caught my attention: “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.” (Revelation 21:4) I felt so sad after reading this. One, because I had been going through a really rough time in my life recently and still struggling to heal my heart and two, because this was the scripture I put on my daughters’ fathers’ mass card when he died. All day long, even in my most favorite place in the world, I couldn’t shake this sadness. I had a new client that day with back pain and her 8 year old daughter came over to me while I was working on her Mom, put her arms around me and told me she loved me. I had to fight back the tears. Then as we were finishing up with the tab, her angel daughter kept hugging me and wouldn’t let me go. Looking back now I realize she knew I was sad and was going to need those hugs. As I was riding my bike back to my car I passed by a church with a mass happening. Funny I never knew there was a church on that street. I stopped my bike and sat outside on the front steps and listened to the mass. I thought about my father and couldn’t help feeling this terrible ache in my heart. As I was driving home across the Robert Moses Bridge I prayed to my angels to send me a friend, that I didn’t want to be alone that night. When I got home I got a text from my brother, “Dad just died.” I knew it. My Dad knew it too, he knew he was going to die that day. It was bitter sweet for me because I was never close to my father. He adopted me when I was 4 years old, and even though I lived with him when my parents got divorced, we were never close or had a good relationship. I felt sad because I wasn’t there for him and I cried because I lost a father that I never really had, and that was like a double loss. At that moment I began talking to my Dad like he was right next to me. It felt like he was with me. I said to him, “Dad if you are here can you be a father to me now and be there for me? I need help. I am struggling and I am hurt, please help me.” I was walking my dog, Karma, as the tears were flowing down my face and within a few minutes I felt a relief within. I felt the sadness and pain dissolve, and I could breathe deeply again. I felt light. It was amazing. The angels had already had a call in to my friend Lisa…and she came over with sushi and chocolate and stayed till midnight talking with me. I am so blessed to have such wonderful friends in my life. I don’t know what I’d do without them. Since my Dad has passed I have had a better relationship with him now than I had when he was alive. He couldn’t help me when he was stuck in his disabled human body in Florida, but now that he is free, in his spiritual essence, he is with me and helping me everyday to heal my heart. My Dad can be with me now just as quickly as I think about him. I find peanut shells, (his nickname for me was peanut or peanup), and I see his initials FJZ on license plates all the time. In India when someone leaves their body they say they are now in their “big form.” Meaning they are now everywhere, connected to us all. It makes sense. Our true essence is soul, light, infinite consciousness. When we are in a limited human body there is only so much we can do. When we are free of the body, or the “suit” we are truly free and are everywhere. I am amazed at this miracle and grateful to have my Dad back in my life now when I need him the most. I pray that if you have lost a loved one that you know that they are still with you in spirit and always will be. Know that they are truly free and at peace. They are home with God, surrounded by unconditional love and acceptance, and they are with you. Love is the only thing in this Universe that doesn’t die. May you be surrounded by infinite love and unconditional acceptance and peace. God bless us all.